i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
