How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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