i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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