i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
