My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
