Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
