well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dick very happy bro
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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