Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
