great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
