HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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