You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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