your room smells of hookers.
And success
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
