You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
