I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
