Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
