my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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