He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize