Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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