I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
