Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize