I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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