I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
