That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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