Sorry, I don't speak sober.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
