You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
