Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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