So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
