I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
