I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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