i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
