Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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