i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
