Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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