I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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