Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
