you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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