Can i not drive my cunt home
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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