6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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