I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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