i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
