so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
