Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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