just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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