I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
