She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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