We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
