Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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