I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
