Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
