im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
