textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
