i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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