I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
