You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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