Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
