so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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