I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
