I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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