I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
