I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
