You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I bet he comes in French.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
