Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
