Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had sex on a roof
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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