I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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