Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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