I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
