Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
