I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
