Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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