i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
