My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
