just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
