Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
